I so wish I could stop time. I don't want it to be that long ago that Seb was with me; sitting on my lap, cuddling with me in bed, meowing at me to pick him up and hold him. I feel like the more time that passes, the less real he becomes. I would give anything to have him back. I want to hear his purr again and be able to give him kisses-right on the lips the way he liked them.
I know the next two weeks are going to be very difficult for me. The anticipation of the date will be gut-wrenching. My doctor reminded me during our last visit that if I felt I was going through a difficult time, I could increase my dose of Lexapro so I'm going to start taking an extra half tablet today. I'm going to try to remember to take care of myself and do things that I enjoy.
Sebastian would want me to keep helping homeless pets, so I'm going to make a point of volunteering in his memory. I know that no matter how deep my grief is, I can't bring him back. But I can use my love for him to do good in the world.
*hugs* You never forget them or the love. The kitties that came before me went OTRB in 2004 and 2009 (2, six months apart) and mom still cries and misses them even though she has the 3 of us to love and spoil.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Pumpkin. Good to know I'm not alone.
Delete*hugs* Treat yourself well. That's the important part. Sebby would highly approve of you continuing to volunteer, I"m sure.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to try hard to be good to myself.
DeleteAmy, I know how hard those anniversaries are. We all get through them. But the feelings that we deal with leading up to that day are horrendous. Please know that many people care about you and will be praying for you. I am sure Sebastian would love the idea of you volunteering in his memory. He was a sweet and beautiful cat.
ReplyDelete((HUGS))
Meow_Girls & Human Kathy
Thank you so much. I appreciate the prayers and the sweet words about my Seb.
DeleteYou do so much for needy pets and bring so much love to everyone you know. Sebby would be very proud of you. In my experience with grief, I've found that the first anniversary is often very hard as we relive each moment almost as if it was happening once again. Please do remember to be good to yourself and patient with yourself. And if there is anything I can do, you know I am right here. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kathryn. I feel good knowing I have friends like you who understand.
DeleteWe share your tears Amy. Our beloved Jinny went OTRB exactly one month before Sebastian and we're still sad. Your volunteer work is a perfect way to celebrate his beautiful, loving, meaningful life. Each moment that you give to a helpless animal makes his star shine that much brighter. Love & Hugs of comfort, Pixel, Otis, Mama & #AngelJinny
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. We had such sadness at the same time. I'm glad #AngelJinny and #AngelSeb are at the Bridge, together and happy.
DeleteRemember he wouldn't want you to be unhappy. I am guessing he was always there for you while he was alive, and why his spirit lingers with you to this day.
ReplyDeleteI have made a point to not remember these particular anniversaries for a reason...they hurt.
Many purr for you during this difficult time.. May the bond you were so blessed to share bring you some comfort.
You're right, he was a kitty I could always count on. I've been trying hard today to push the sad thoughts out of my mind, but the purrs help when they come through anyway.
DeleteI wish it wasn't so hard for you and that I could help, but I can't very much except to tell you I care and am sending you good thoughts. Glad you're planning to honor him in such a terrific way that helps some other cat find a loving owner too.
ReplyDeleteThose thoughts and your kind words *are* helpful. Thank you so much for caring about me AND Sebastian.
DeleteHugs Amy - Such a beautiful boy, who will always remain in your heart. You do wonderful work with animals, just keep pouring your love into helping others and pretty soon the pain won't be quite as raw- it will always be there, just not so raw.
ReplyDeleteThank you dear M. I try to remember that one day it won't hurt so bad.
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