Friday, June 26, 2009

Divorce From a Friend

It's one thing to lose a friend because you grow apart and are just on different paths in life. It's much different when a friend does something so hurtful you just can't face him or her anymore. That is exactly what happened to me last week.

It all started with a wonderfully joyous occasion. My nephew, Mikey, as he will forever be known to me, became a father 2 weeks ago. As is the case when any baby is born, little Natalie was quickly dubbed "the cutest baby in the world". I sent out a pix message to several friends announcing her arrival. All but one of those friends replied with the usual "congrats" or "how cute". I didn't think much about the absence of the reply from my friend "T". I was too excited to really notice that one person among the throng of texters didn't share in my joy.

After a week had passed "T" texted me, wanting to know if I would be in town for dinner that Friday night. I replied that I didn't know what time I would be arriving, for I had a date to meet the cutest baby in the world. This, surprisingly, upset "T" since she has a 2 year old daughter who apparantly should never have been dethroned as cutest baby. At first, I thought she was joking as others had, that they had the cutest baby in their family. Keep in mind, this entire conversation is happening via text message, where tone and inflection do not exist. It became suddenly clear, however, that she was not amused. I tried to explain that this is just what people do when new babies arrive and that Natalie had actually dethroned her 8 month old cousin, Klaire, as cutest baby. That, it seemed, made things worse. "T" told me I could erase their contact information from my phone and that she was really hurt. I immediately tried to call her, but after 2 rings, I was directed to her voice mail. I left her a message saying I hoped she was joking and figured she would call me back.

Fast-forward one week. Still no phone call from "T". I had discussed the situation with several people including my fiance, who is also good friends with her, my parents, my niece, and other friends who do not know "T". All of them came to the conclusion that she had overreacted and was acting childish. I didn't want this misunderstanding to ruin our friendship, so I tried to call again. This time the phone rang 3 times before I was directed to her voice mail. I was very upset.

I called my fiance to tell him about it and to hash out my feelings. After a lengthy discussion with him, I made my decision. I would not try to call or text "T" anymore. I would, essentially, let the friendship die. I did not need somebody in my life who could not be happy for me at such a blissful time. I did not need somebody in my life who acted so selfishly and childlike. I certainly did not need somebody in my life who made me feel bad for so intensely loving my new great-niece. I deserve friends who support and love me. I would not stay in a romantic relationship with a similar person, so I will not stay in this relationship either.

Thankfully, in this divorce there is no property to divide, no contracts to dissolve, no custody battles to fight. There is, however, the same broken heart. The same feeling of loss. The same desire to move on with my chin up. And that is what I shall do.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Nice to meet you

I guess my first post on here should be a way for me to introduce myself. That way, people have some background on me in case I post something down the road that seems a little crazy!

First, I have recently gone through some major life changes. This time last year, I was working in a pharmacy in Wichita like I had for the past 14 years and was training for a marathon length walk to support cancer research. Within about a month, everything was turned upside down. I accepted a job in law enforcement that would move me to the Kansas City area. I began training for my new job in Topeka, living in a hotel-and out of a suitcase-during the week, then returning home on the weekends.

I continued to train for the walk, but at a reduced level. In September I went to Boston with my boyfriend to participate in the walk and for a little vacation. I did not finish the walk, but made it about 18 & 1/2 miles. While there, my boyfriend of 12 years and I became engaged. Yeah, I know, finally.

Upon returning from Boston I began to prepare for a 14 week stint at the Kansas Law Enforcement Training Center. Now, I am by no means a "tough" girl, but I'm not exactly a "girly" girl either. I was looking forward to the educational part of the academy. I have always enjoyed learning and loved my time getting my Master's degree in Criminal Justice. How different could this be? Wow, were my eyes opened! It was in no way a breeze. Although I finished 3rd in my class, it was hard work all the way. Not to mention learning to drive an emergency vehicle and fire weapons! I did learn a lot about myself there as well. I'm much stronger than I ever thought I was and I'm so glad I know that now.

After graduating from the academy in February of this year, I moved to my apartment in KC. I had to leave my old kitty, Rosie, in Wichita, not to mention my parents and fiance. I have never in my life lived by myself and wasn't sure how I would deal with that. Turns out that although I'm lonely because I don't know many people here to do things with (I've only made 2 friends so far), I enjoy having the place to myself. I felt the need to have something to care for, but didn't want to get a dog since I don't have a yard. I thought getting a cat would be a slap in the face to Rosie, so that was out too. Instead, I got myself a guinea pig. It took us a while to bond with each other, but we're finally friends.

I am spending a lot of time planning our upcoming wedding, which will take place in Boston on July 3, 2010. Why Boston? I'm pretty much in love with the city. I first went because I'm a Red Sox fan and had to see them play at Fenway. While there, I couldn't get enough of all the history. It's a beautiful setting and has so much to learn about. Because of my love of American history, we will be getting married at the Old State House which, among other things, was the site where the Declaration of Independence was first read publicly. That gives me chills!

Now, it has been difficult planning this wedding and I'm not the most patient person. With my fiance, Lee, in Wichita, me in KC and the ceremony taking place in Boston, I have been faced with some unique challenges. I don't know many people in the Boston area and am finding it difficult to make decisions about what vendors to use. It will all just become part of our story and will be worth it in the end.

These are just some of the many pieces of the puzzle that make me who I am. I hope that I am able to provide even more pieces in the future. They will probably not be as clear as these have been, but soon a clear picture will emerge!