Friday, June 26, 2009

Divorce From a Friend

It's one thing to lose a friend because you grow apart and are just on different paths in life. It's much different when a friend does something so hurtful you just can't face him or her anymore. That is exactly what happened to me last week.

It all started with a wonderfully joyous occasion. My nephew, Mikey, as he will forever be known to me, became a father 2 weeks ago. As is the case when any baby is born, little Natalie was quickly dubbed "the cutest baby in the world". I sent out a pix message to several friends announcing her arrival. All but one of those friends replied with the usual "congrats" or "how cute". I didn't think much about the absence of the reply from my friend "T". I was too excited to really notice that one person among the throng of texters didn't share in my joy.

After a week had passed "T" texted me, wanting to know if I would be in town for dinner that Friday night. I replied that I didn't know what time I would be arriving, for I had a date to meet the cutest baby in the world. This, surprisingly, upset "T" since she has a 2 year old daughter who apparantly should never have been dethroned as cutest baby. At first, I thought she was joking as others had, that they had the cutest baby in their family. Keep in mind, this entire conversation is happening via text message, where tone and inflection do not exist. It became suddenly clear, however, that she was not amused. I tried to explain that this is just what people do when new babies arrive and that Natalie had actually dethroned her 8 month old cousin, Klaire, as cutest baby. That, it seemed, made things worse. "T" told me I could erase their contact information from my phone and that she was really hurt. I immediately tried to call her, but after 2 rings, I was directed to her voice mail. I left her a message saying I hoped she was joking and figured she would call me back.

Fast-forward one week. Still no phone call from "T". I had discussed the situation with several people including my fiance, who is also good friends with her, my parents, my niece, and other friends who do not know "T". All of them came to the conclusion that she had overreacted and was acting childish. I didn't want this misunderstanding to ruin our friendship, so I tried to call again. This time the phone rang 3 times before I was directed to her voice mail. I was very upset.

I called my fiance to tell him about it and to hash out my feelings. After a lengthy discussion with him, I made my decision. I would not try to call or text "T" anymore. I would, essentially, let the friendship die. I did not need somebody in my life who could not be happy for me at such a blissful time. I did not need somebody in my life who acted so selfishly and childlike. I certainly did not need somebody in my life who made me feel bad for so intensely loving my new great-niece. I deserve friends who support and love me. I would not stay in a romantic relationship with a similar person, so I will not stay in this relationship either.

Thankfully, in this divorce there is no property to divide, no contracts to dissolve, no custody battles to fight. There is, however, the same broken heart. The same feeling of loss. The same desire to move on with my chin up. And that is what I shall do.

1 comment:

  1. You have done the right thing. You explained yourself to "T" and twice tried to mend the rift. Her reaction IS selfish. Life is far to short to allow people with negativity a place in our life. Continue to carry the joy of your grand niece with you and do what you can to get over this chapter. People like that are not worth a long mourning period.