Is is really November already? Wow. It feels like it was just yesterday I was trying to squeeze in pool time or deck time and now the holidays are upon us.
I'm not sure how the holidays will be for me this year. Since losing my boy Sebastian, everything feels odd. I love our new kitty, Harvey, but my bond with Seb was special. I can't believe he isn't with me anymore.
My grief over losing Sebastian has created some confusion with me in regards to my depression. It was hard for me to tell the difference between the two. After a little time had passed after Seb went over the Rainbow Bridge, I realized that I was feeling "normal" again. It came as quite a surprise to me. I had forgotten what it felt like to not feel depressed. However, times would come along when I would feel sadness over Sebastian and it would scare me. I felt like I was slipping into the darkness again. Instead of lasting for days at a time, though, it would slow me down for a day, then things would feel normal again.
Work has been easier and I'm feeling better about my performance there. I've been able to do more around the house as well. It's hard to believe how happy I am to make dinner AND clean up the kitchen! So yes, I would say that I'm keeping up with life. I hope it continues and I hope I can enjoy the holidays as much as I normally do.
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It's hard to know where the normal grieving process ends and the depression begins - especially because you were already dealing with the depression prior to losing Seb. Don't expect too much of yourself over the holidays - everything with be different without Sebastian, but you will get adjusted to your "new normal."
ReplyDeleteAmy, I appreciated your comment on my blog and came by to visit---wish we lived closer, but like you said, we could talk on the phone more or Skype if you do that.
ReplyDeleteI know how I felt when I lost my 'Heart Cat' Bo and how even though Brighton is so similar in color and temperament, I haven't bonded with him...BUT I have bonded with Disco in very much the same way and his recent illness made me realize that. Of course, I am in a totally difference place than when Bo was born (that was in 1990) and so I can't expect my emotions to be the same, but I am happy to know I can love again... I have also started worrying about Disco, Brighton and Coco dying, too even though they are 7-8 yrs old. I wonder what the future will bring, but sometimes it's better just to say 'It's only one day, you can get through one day...