I was sitting on the couch yesterday, surveying my apartment. I got to thinking about what would happen if I died. What would my family find in my home? Would anything embarrass me? Well, let's just see.
Kitchen: There's an excessive amount of beer for one person. That's because I don't drink very often, but keep buying different kinds. The trash is pretty full and by the time someone found me, would probably be kind of stinky. There might be a dirty glass beside the sink, but the dish drainer will be FULL of dishes I've left to air dry. The fridge is a disaster. There's no organization whatsoever. Breakfast bar has a naked Chia Pet, fish tank, bowl of hard candy, bouquet of flowers, handcuffs and extra magazine case laying on it.
Living/Dining Room: Sunday paper laying on the sofa with cut-out coupons laying in various piles waiting to be filed. Stack of wedding magazines and my wedding notebook on the chaise. Can of wasp spray on the floor next to the patio door. Dining room table is very cluttered, I don't eat there, it's just a catch-all. Dottie's bag of hay, desk calendar, some mail, paint chips, pictures of wedding dresses and on it goes. VHS tapes stacked up on the floor because I haven't found a place to put them yet. Stereo and speakers disconnected and on floor because they don't fit in new entertainment cabinet. Three plastic totes full of stuff I haven't unpacked from the move. Empty cooler under the table because I have no where else to store it.
Guest Bathroom: Very clean (it's rarely used) but clothes hanging from every possible spot, waiting to be ironed. Door knob, towel rack, shower curtain rod all covered in clothes.
Hallway: More unironed clothed hanging from the doorknob of the utility closet.
Office: Stuff everywhere. Stacks of papers from an investigation currently being condcuted. Blank inspection forms. Stack of papers from a case I haven't filed yet. Notes on scraps of paper on both desks. Half-full bottle of water. Two pillows and comforter on the futon from the last time I had guests. Gun and badge laying on display shelf of work desk. Bottom drawer of file cabinet open about an inch. More unironed clothes hanging from doorknob.
Bedroom: Not too bad. Bed isn't made. Empty lemonade can on nightstand is about the worst part of the room. Dresser has jewelry, lip balm and eye drops. It's lived-in, but not messy.
Master Bathroom: You guessed it. More unironed clothes. Again hanging from the shower curtain rod and also on the hook on the back of the door. Makeup, two cosmetics bags, comb, ponytail holder, two hairclips, headband and new bottle of body wash all on the counter. Floor is undoubtedly covered in hair-I tend to lose a lot of hair! Trash can full of tissues and contact lens packaging.
All in all, I guess it's not that bad. If my family had to clean my apartment out, they wouldn't find anything shocking. But let's hope that never has to happen!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Ants
Many times I find myself looking out my window, staring at the traffic flowing by on the interstate that runs past my home. I like the white noise it produces. It has a hypnotic effect on me. Then I begin to wonder about each individual car. Where are they going? Where have they been? Is this their home? Are they having the best day of their life? Maybe they have just won an enormous prize and they're all smiles, jamming to the song playing on the radio. Possibly, they have just been given tragic news about a loved one and they're trying to see to drive through a veil of tears.
Then I wonder if they look up to see my deck. Maybe they are just viewing a blur of scenery, but maybe they are questioning "Who lives there?" Do they make up stories about the person who lives where I do? Do they see a happy family with a dog? Maybe an old man, long retired. Or they might get it right and picture a single girl making her way through the world.
It's funny what our perceptions can do to us. So often, we see the outside world as something apart from us and our lives. But the outside world has lives of its own.
Then I wonder if they look up to see my deck. Maybe they are just viewing a blur of scenery, but maybe they are questioning "Who lives there?" Do they make up stories about the person who lives where I do? Do they see a happy family with a dog? Maybe an old man, long retired. Or they might get it right and picture a single girl making her way through the world.
It's funny what our perceptions can do to us. So often, we see the outside world as something apart from us and our lives. But the outside world has lives of its own.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Divorce From a Friend
It's one thing to lose a friend because you grow apart and are just on different paths in life. It's much different when a friend does something so hurtful you just can't face him or her anymore. That is exactly what happened to me last week.
It all started with a wonderfully joyous occasion. My nephew, Mikey, as he will forever be known to me, became a father 2 weeks ago. As is the case when any baby is born, little Natalie was quickly dubbed "the cutest baby in the world". I sent out a pix message to several friends announcing her arrival. All but one of those friends replied with the usual "congrats" or "how cute". I didn't think much about the absence of the reply from my friend "T". I was too excited to really notice that one person among the throng of texters didn't share in my joy.
After a week had passed "T" texted me, wanting to know if I would be in town for dinner that Friday night. I replied that I didn't know what time I would be arriving, for I had a date to meet the cutest baby in the world. This, surprisingly, upset "T" since she has a 2 year old daughter who apparantly should never have been dethroned as cutest baby. At first, I thought she was joking as others had, that they had the cutest baby in their family. Keep in mind, this entire conversation is happening via text message, where tone and inflection do not exist. It became suddenly clear, however, that she was not amused. I tried to explain that this is just what people do when new babies arrive and that Natalie had actually dethroned her 8 month old cousin, Klaire, as cutest baby. That, it seemed, made things worse. "T" told me I could erase their contact information from my phone and that she was really hurt. I immediately tried to call her, but after 2 rings, I was directed to her voice mail. I left her a message saying I hoped she was joking and figured she would call me back.
Fast-forward one week. Still no phone call from "T". I had discussed the situation with several people including my fiance, who is also good friends with her, my parents, my niece, and other friends who do not know "T". All of them came to the conclusion that she had overreacted and was acting childish. I didn't want this misunderstanding to ruin our friendship, so I tried to call again. This time the phone rang 3 times before I was directed to her voice mail. I was very upset.
I called my fiance to tell him about it and to hash out my feelings. After a lengthy discussion with him, I made my decision. I would not try to call or text "T" anymore. I would, essentially, let the friendship die. I did not need somebody in my life who could not be happy for me at such a blissful time. I did not need somebody in my life who acted so selfishly and childlike. I certainly did not need somebody in my life who made me feel bad for so intensely loving my new great-niece. I deserve friends who support and love me. I would not stay in a romantic relationship with a similar person, so I will not stay in this relationship either.
Thankfully, in this divorce there is no property to divide, no contracts to dissolve, no custody battles to fight. There is, however, the same broken heart. The same feeling of loss. The same desire to move on with my chin up. And that is what I shall do.
It all started with a wonderfully joyous occasion. My nephew, Mikey, as he will forever be known to me, became a father 2 weeks ago. As is the case when any baby is born, little Natalie was quickly dubbed "the cutest baby in the world". I sent out a pix message to several friends announcing her arrival. All but one of those friends replied with the usual "congrats" or "how cute". I didn't think much about the absence of the reply from my friend "T". I was too excited to really notice that one person among the throng of texters didn't share in my joy.
After a week had passed "T" texted me, wanting to know if I would be in town for dinner that Friday night. I replied that I didn't know what time I would be arriving, for I had a date to meet the cutest baby in the world. This, surprisingly, upset "T" since she has a 2 year old daughter who apparantly should never have been dethroned as cutest baby. At first, I thought she was joking as others had, that they had the cutest baby in their family. Keep in mind, this entire conversation is happening via text message, where tone and inflection do not exist. It became suddenly clear, however, that she was not amused. I tried to explain that this is just what people do when new babies arrive and that Natalie had actually dethroned her 8 month old cousin, Klaire, as cutest baby. That, it seemed, made things worse. "T" told me I could erase their contact information from my phone and that she was really hurt. I immediately tried to call her, but after 2 rings, I was directed to her voice mail. I left her a message saying I hoped she was joking and figured she would call me back.
Fast-forward one week. Still no phone call from "T". I had discussed the situation with several people including my fiance, who is also good friends with her, my parents, my niece, and other friends who do not know "T". All of them came to the conclusion that she had overreacted and was acting childish. I didn't want this misunderstanding to ruin our friendship, so I tried to call again. This time the phone rang 3 times before I was directed to her voice mail. I was very upset.
I called my fiance to tell him about it and to hash out my feelings. After a lengthy discussion with him, I made my decision. I would not try to call or text "T" anymore. I would, essentially, let the friendship die. I did not need somebody in my life who could not be happy for me at such a blissful time. I did not need somebody in my life who acted so selfishly and childlike. I certainly did not need somebody in my life who made me feel bad for so intensely loving my new great-niece. I deserve friends who support and love me. I would not stay in a romantic relationship with a similar person, so I will not stay in this relationship either.
Thankfully, in this divorce there is no property to divide, no contracts to dissolve, no custody battles to fight. There is, however, the same broken heart. The same feeling of loss. The same desire to move on with my chin up. And that is what I shall do.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Nice to meet you
I guess my first post on here should be a way for me to introduce myself. That way, people have some background on me in case I post something down the road that seems a little crazy!
First, I have recently gone through some major life changes. This time last year, I was working in a pharmacy in Wichita like I had for the past 14 years and was training for a marathon length walk to support cancer research. Within about a month, everything was turned upside down. I accepted a job in law enforcement that would move me to the Kansas City area. I began training for my new job in Topeka, living in a hotel-and out of a suitcase-during the week, then returning home on the weekends.
I continued to train for the walk, but at a reduced level. In September I went to Boston with my boyfriend to participate in the walk and for a little vacation. I did not finish the walk, but made it about 18 & 1/2 miles. While there, my boyfriend of 12 years and I became engaged. Yeah, I know, finally.
Upon returning from Boston I began to prepare for a 14 week stint at the Kansas Law Enforcement Training Center. Now, I am by no means a "tough" girl, but I'm not exactly a "girly" girl either. I was looking forward to the educational part of the academy. I have always enjoyed learning and loved my time getting my Master's degree in Criminal Justice. How different could this be? Wow, were my eyes opened! It was in no way a breeze. Although I finished 3rd in my class, it was hard work all the way. Not to mention learning to drive an emergency vehicle and fire weapons! I did learn a lot about myself there as well. I'm much stronger than I ever thought I was and I'm so glad I know that now.
After graduating from the academy in February of this year, I moved to my apartment in KC. I had to leave my old kitty, Rosie, in Wichita, not to mention my parents and fiance. I have never in my life lived by myself and wasn't sure how I would deal with that. Turns out that although I'm lonely because I don't know many people here to do things with (I've only made 2 friends so far), I enjoy having the place to myself. I felt the need to have something to care for, but didn't want to get a dog since I don't have a yard. I thought getting a cat would be a slap in the face to Rosie, so that was out too. Instead, I got myself a guinea pig. It took us a while to bond with each other, but we're finally friends.
I am spending a lot of time planning our upcoming wedding, which will take place in Boston on July 3, 2010. Why Boston? I'm pretty much in love with the city. I first went because I'm a Red Sox fan and had to see them play at Fenway. While there, I couldn't get enough of all the history. It's a beautiful setting and has so much to learn about. Because of my love of American history, we will be getting married at the Old State House which, among other things, was the site where the Declaration of Independence was first read publicly. That gives me chills!
Now, it has been difficult planning this wedding and I'm not the most patient person. With my fiance, Lee, in Wichita, me in KC and the ceremony taking place in Boston, I have been faced with some unique challenges. I don't know many people in the Boston area and am finding it difficult to make decisions about what vendors to use. It will all just become part of our story and will be worth it in the end.
These are just some of the many pieces of the puzzle that make me who I am. I hope that I am able to provide even more pieces in the future. They will probably not be as clear as these have been, but soon a clear picture will emerge!
First, I have recently gone through some major life changes. This time last year, I was working in a pharmacy in Wichita like I had for the past 14 years and was training for a marathon length walk to support cancer research. Within about a month, everything was turned upside down. I accepted a job in law enforcement that would move me to the Kansas City area. I began training for my new job in Topeka, living in a hotel-and out of a suitcase-during the week, then returning home on the weekends.
I continued to train for the walk, but at a reduced level. In September I went to Boston with my boyfriend to participate in the walk and for a little vacation. I did not finish the walk, but made it about 18 & 1/2 miles. While there, my boyfriend of 12 years and I became engaged. Yeah, I know, finally.
Upon returning from Boston I began to prepare for a 14 week stint at the Kansas Law Enforcement Training Center. Now, I am by no means a "tough" girl, but I'm not exactly a "girly" girl either. I was looking forward to the educational part of the academy. I have always enjoyed learning and loved my time getting my Master's degree in Criminal Justice. How different could this be? Wow, were my eyes opened! It was in no way a breeze. Although I finished 3rd in my class, it was hard work all the way. Not to mention learning to drive an emergency vehicle and fire weapons! I did learn a lot about myself there as well. I'm much stronger than I ever thought I was and I'm so glad I know that now.
After graduating from the academy in February of this year, I moved to my apartment in KC. I had to leave my old kitty, Rosie, in Wichita, not to mention my parents and fiance. I have never in my life lived by myself and wasn't sure how I would deal with that. Turns out that although I'm lonely because I don't know many people here to do things with (I've only made 2 friends so far), I enjoy having the place to myself. I felt the need to have something to care for, but didn't want to get a dog since I don't have a yard. I thought getting a cat would be a slap in the face to Rosie, so that was out too. Instead, I got myself a guinea pig. It took us a while to bond with each other, but we're finally friends.
I am spending a lot of time planning our upcoming wedding, which will take place in Boston on July 3, 2010. Why Boston? I'm pretty much in love with the city. I first went because I'm a Red Sox fan and had to see them play at Fenway. While there, I couldn't get enough of all the history. It's a beautiful setting and has so much to learn about. Because of my love of American history, we will be getting married at the Old State House which, among other things, was the site where the Declaration of Independence was first read publicly. That gives me chills!
Now, it has been difficult planning this wedding and I'm not the most patient person. With my fiance, Lee, in Wichita, me in KC and the ceremony taking place in Boston, I have been faced with some unique challenges. I don't know many people in the Boston area and am finding it difficult to make decisions about what vendors to use. It will all just become part of our story and will be worth it in the end.
These are just some of the many pieces of the puzzle that make me who I am. I hope that I am able to provide even more pieces in the future. They will probably not be as clear as these have been, but soon a clear picture will emerge!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
