My Daddy

It's been three weeks today since Dad died. I must say, it's been easier than I thought it would be to work through my grief. I miss him, of course, but his essence was already gone the last few months of his life. I started missing him while he was still alive.

I was shown so much kindness during Dad's illness and passing that I could never express my gratitude fully. The best I can do is share my daddy with you, the way he was before he got sick. I was thinking of speaking at his funeral, but decided against it. Here are the words I wrote about him. I hope it shows you what a wonderful person he was and how much he meant to me.

First, I’d like to thank all of you for being here. Your support, love, and sympathy have meant so much to us; not just since Dad’s passing, but in the months preceding his death as well.

My Dad was the smartest person I know. He taught me a lot of different things: He taught me how to read, he taught me how to train a dog, and he taught me how to drive a car. But the most important thing he taught me was to appreciate knowledge.

Dad dropped out of high school in the 10^th grade and went on to get his GED, but that had nothing to do with how smart he was. What made him smart was his love of learning. He asked questions. If he knew a person had a job or a hobby that he didn’t know much about, he would pick their brain. The restaurant and the barber shop afforded him the luxury of meeting many people from different walks of life and he truly wanted to know what they knew.

A few years ago I was feeling badly because I wasn’t using my degree. He told me that I shouldn’t feel bad because education was never wasted. He also told me once that I should try to learn something new every day. Now, there have been some days when I learned something new early in the day and thought “Okay, I’m done. I can go back to bed.”

The most important thing he told me was that I should try to leave the world in better shape than when I came into it. I have taken that to heart. Dad certainly accomplished that and I hope that since he passed on his love of learning to me, that I will be able to do the same.

Dad Update

It's been a pretty crappy 2 weeks since Dad was released from ICU. He hasn't been feeling well at all. Today we went to see his doctor at geriatrics.

After going over all of his meds, she decided to switch some things around. Stopping some, adding others.

We also talked at length about his diet and appetite. Dad hasn't been eating much at all since he came home. She told us we needed to change the way Dad eats. No more Breakfast-Lunch-Dinner. He needs to eat about 5 times a day and even though he will only eat a little at a time, it has to be purposeful. He needs to focus on protein. She gave me tons of good ideas for snack size foods that are high protein or can be made that way by adding Boost to them.

We also discussed Hospice. I've been worried that I'm jumping the gun by talking about it. She reassured me that it wasn't too early. She said most people wait too long to bring in Hospice, sometimes until the last week or so of a patient's life. She said that although death isn't imminent with Dad, he is showing a negative trend in many aspects. She explained that Hospice would be good support for me and that some even offered Chaplain services. Mom & Dad haven't been to church in months; having someone come in and offer ministry would be wonderful.

We will go back in 2 weeks for a follow up. They drew blood today, so we'll see what that shows us. We're also tracking Dad's weight. She wants him to gain a pound a week.

I feel so relieved after today's visit. I feel much more in control of the situation and I like knowing there are goals for us to work toward with Dad's health.

Please keep the prayers coming. Dad isn't scared of dying, but he doesn't want to suffer. I pray for his comfort and for clarity & courage for myself.

I know I need to take care of myself and really am trying. I've told people to do the same, but never realized how hard it can be to actually do. My mind is consumed with thoughts of what needs to be done and what might happen. I'm doing the best I can to try to relax when I have time, but it's easier said than done.

Dad Update

Dad recently had an appointment with his cardiologist. During this visit, they did a chest x-ray. The radiologist spotted something that caught his attention and made him want to look further. So they followed up with a CT scan. The scan showed something on his left lung. Dad already had an appointment set up with his oncologist today, so the cardiologist sent the reports and told Dad to discuss them at this visit.

Today I went with Mom & Dad to his appointment. The doctor showed us the CT scans and pointed out the spot on Dad's lung that is concerning. He said it is probably a tumor, but more testing was necessary to be sure. First, they will do a PET scan. They will follow that with a biopsy. These tests will probably take place in the next 2 to 3 weeks.

If it is in fact cancer, they will have to look at some other factors in deciding how to treat it. Dad also has a MUGA scan tomorrow to determine if his heart is pumping blood properly. If it isn't, surgery for the lung tumor will not be an option. They would have to use radiation and chemotherapy.

Right now, things look pretty positive. The good news from today is that Dad's Multiple Myeloma is in remission still. The doctor would like to put Dad on a small daily dose of Revlimid to help keep it in remission, but we have to deal with the heart and lung issues first. If Dad ends up having chemo for lung cancer, the doctor says that will serve a dual purpose. Not only will it treat the tumor, but will help keep the blood cancer in remission as well.

Please keep all the good thoughts coming! I'll continue to update as we know more.